Pardon the quite unsubtle clickbait title. It is, to be clear, not meant to disrespect or make light of anybody’s circumstance. But two things: this article’s focus is on divorce specifically (and not of couples contemplating it). But also, it describes really how strongly some people feel about the matter.

Let’s face it: divorce signifies failure.

It’s hardly a thing to be celebrated.

Nobody gets married, in fact nobody grows up, hoping to get divorced. Something went wrong and in an array of difficult choices, divorce happens to be one of them. But it’s far from the best solution.

Divorce’s worst victims, as study upon study will show, are children.

Divorce “is catastrophic for children.” And it “is destructive to both boys and girls, but each sex suffers differently. Girls who grow up deprived of their father are more likely to become depressed, more likely to self-harm, and more likely to be promiscuous. But they still have their mothers, with whom they clearly identify. Boys do not have a comparable identification and thus suffer more from father absence. They also tend to act out in a manner that’s harmful to others, which girls typically do not.” (Suzanne Venker, “Missing fathers and America’s broken boys,” February 2018)

The US today is notorious for school shootings. But what mainstream media (mostly liberal) refuse to report is that most, if not all of the shooters were bereft of fathers, “whether due to divorce, death, or imprisonment” as Susan Goldberg points out (“When Will We Have the Guts to Link Fatherlessness to School Shootings?” February 2018).

Then there’s this: “72% of adolescent murderers grew up without fathers; the same for 60% of all rapists. 70% of juveniles in state institutions grew up in single- or no-parent situations. The number of single-parent households is a good predictor of violent crime in a community, while poverty rate is not.” (Terry Brennan, cofounder, Leading Women for Shared Parenting)

And contrary to what others say that the negative effects on children of divorced parents are merely short-term, Amy Desai (of Focus on the Family) reports:

“Psychologist Judith Wallerstein followed a group of children of divorce from the 1970s into the 1990s. Interviewing them at 18 months and then 5, 10, 15, and 25 years after the divorce, she expected to find that they had bounced back. But what she found was dismaying: Even 25 years after the divorce, these children continued to experience substantial expectations of failure, fear of loss, fear of change and fear of conflict. Twenty-five years!

The children in Wallerstein’s study were especially challenged when they began to form their own romantic relationships. As Wallerstein explains, “Contrary to what we have long thought, the major impact of divorce does not occur during childhood or adolescence. Rather, it rises in adulthood as serious romantic relationships move center stage …”

Other researchers confirm Wallerstein’s findings. Specifically, compared to kids from intact homes, children who experienced their parents’ divorce view premarital sex and cohabitation more favorably. This is disturbing news given that cohabiting couples have more breakups, greater risk of domestic violence and are more likely to experience divorce.”

Therapist Steven Earll points out, “Children never get over divorce. It is a great loss that is in their lives forever. It is like a grief that is never over. All special events, such as holidays, plays, sports, graduations, marriages, births of children, etc., bring up the loss created by divorce as well as the family relationship conflicts that result from the ‘extended family’ celebrating any event.”

In fact, Dr. Wallerstein explodes another myth, “that if the parents are happier the children will be happier, too.” So the argument goes: divorce frees children from living in an unhappy home. Not true.

“Indeed, many adults who are trapped in very unhappy marriages would be surprised to learn that their children are relatively content. They don’t care if mom and dad sleep in different beds as long as the family is together.” (see Brent Barlow, Brigham Young University, “Marriage Crossroads: Why Divorce Is Often Not The Best Option,” 2003)

Considering the stakes, we must avoid what Tim Wu calls the “tyranny of convenience,” which “fails to acknowledge that difficulty is a constitutive feature of human experience.”

Indeed, seeing their parents persevere in very difficult situations is perhaps one of the greatest things that can be given to children.

Finally, it’s quite tiresome hearing people parrot the line that to go against divorce is a step back to the dark ages. Most anthropological studies agree that human sexual development (from pre-humans to humans) went roughly by this sequence:

Group sex free for all => then temporary pairings => then longer termed “open” pairings => then marriage but with divorce => then (with the coming of Christianity) absolute permanent marriage.

Going by this chronology, to go with divorce is actually a regression.

Perhaps someone should tell that to Congress.

Jemy Gatdula is a Senior Fellow of the Philippine Council for Foreign Relations and a Philippine Judicial Academy law lecturer for constitutional philosophy and jurisprudence.

Read the source: http://www.bworldonline.com/divorce-deadly-killer/

Here-under are some articles about family and marriage for you to read or watch: 

1. Getting to know you, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=284
2. Be Positive, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=288
3. Love and Marriage, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=292
4. Endless Love – Marriage after all, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=294
5. Say it with love, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=298
6. Quality family moments, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=300
7. Secret of successful marriage, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=302
8. The vocation of marriage, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=1968
9. Marriage as Covenant, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=1974
10. Humility: Foundation for Marital Happiness, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=1986
11. Gratitude: Foundation for marriage, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=1980
12. True Meaning of marriage, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=1972
13. Marriage and incompatibility, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=2112
14. Love is a garden, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=2116
15. Three kinds of love, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=2095

The Silent Marriage Killer That’s More Deadly Than Sex & Money http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/10/22/the-silent-marriage-killer-thats-more-deadly-than-sex-money/

Requirements of Conjugal Love: Blueprinting for a Lasting Marriage in Christ http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2019/04/05/requirements-of-conjugal-love-blueprinting-for-a-lasting-marriage-in-christ/

Parental and Spousal Alienation in Catholic Marriages http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2019/07/14/parental-and-spousal-alienation-in-catholic-marriages/

FATHER-SON BOND IS ‘CIVILIZATION’S KEYSTONE,’ EXPERT SAYS – Patrick F. Fagan talks about fatherhood and chastity at 2019 Family and Life Conference http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2019/05/09/father-son-bond-is-civilizations-keystone-expert-says-patrick-f-fagan-talks-about-fatherhood-and-chastity-at-2019-family-and-life-conference/

CATHOLIC HEROES: ST. DOROTHY OF MONTAU – A martyr for the indissolubility of marriage http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2019/01/03/catholic-heroes-st-dorothy-of-montau-a-martyr-for-the-indissolubility-of-marriage/

What #MeToo and hooking up teach us about the meaning of sex? Making war, not love http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2018/07/27/what-metoo-and-hooking-up-teach-us-about-the-meaning-of-sex-making-war-not-love/

Why the world needs natural family planning more than ever? It may be the last line of defence for wholesome sex http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2018/07/27/why-the-world-needs-natural-family-planning-more-than-ever-it-may-be-the-last-line-of-defence-for-wholesome-sex/

Is the Holy Family a Realistic Model for Ordinary Families?  http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2018/06/24/is-the-holy-family-a-realistic-model-for-ordinary-families/

Pope Francis says gay couples cannot be considered ‘families’ http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2018/06/18/pope-francis-says-gay-couples-cannot-be-considered-families/

Pope Francis’ ‘Amoris Laetitia’ vs. Pope St. John Paul II’s ‘Veritatis Splendor’: You Say You Want a Revolution? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2018/04/08/pope-francis-amoris-laetitia-vs-pope-st-john-paul-iis-veritatis-splendor-you-say-you-want-a-revolution/

Renewing or Imperiling our Understanding of the Sacrament of Marriage?  http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2018/06/10/renewing-or-imperiling-our-understanding-of-the-sacrament-of-marriage/

No ring, no baby: How marriage trends impact fertility? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2018/03/26/no-ring-no-baby-how-marriage-trends-impact-fertility/

On Coming to the Sacrament of Marriage: A Personal Pilgrimage  http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2018/06/10/on-coming-to-the-sacrament-of-marriage-a-personal-pilgrimage/

On the Truth that Heals the Crisis of Marriage  http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2018/06/24/on-the-truth-that-heals-the-crisis-of-marriage/

Escaping from Motherhood: How it Destroys Society? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2018/05/15/escaping-from-motherhood-how-it-destroys-society/

Archbishop Bernardito Auza Stresses Benefits of Good Parenting at the United Nations in New York  http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2018/06/03/archbishop-bernardito-auza-stresses-benefits-of-good-parenting-at-the-united-nations-in-new-york/

Lucifer’s Game: The first step is to identify the enemy http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2018/04/17/lucifers-game-the-first-step-is-to-identify-the-enemy/

Briefly Revisiting Pre-1983 Canonical Practice for a Better Response to Marriage Issues http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2018/03/16/briefly-revisiting-pre-1983-canonical-practice-for-a-better-response-to-marriage-issues/

Archbishop Charles Chaput: Blessing ceremonies for same-sex couples is not permitted http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2018/02/08/archbishop-charles-chaput-blessing-ceremonies-for-same-sex-couples-is-not-permitted/

5 Reasons Why I Ask for My Husband’s Permission http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2018/02/05/5-reasons-why-i-ask-for-my-husbands-permission/

POPE FRANCIS: SAME-SEX MARRIAGE IS A DIABOLICAL ATTACK ON THE FAMILY http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2018/02/20/pope-francis-same-sex-marriage-is-a-diabolical-attack-on-the-family/

Cardinal Tagle tells parents: Put kids first  http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2018/03/02/cardinal-tagle-tells-parents-put-kids-first/

Have the courage to marry, start a family, Pope Francis tells youths in Assisi http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/05/30/have-the-courage-to-marry-start-a-family-pope-francis-tells-youths-in-assisi/

Pope Francis says marriage can only be between a man and a woman and ‘we cannot change it’  http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/09/07/pope-francis-says-marriage-can-only-be-between-a-man-and-a-woman-and-we-cannot-change-it/

THE DOWNLOAD: CLARIFYING MARRIAGE – A canon lawyer joins the panel  http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/05/15/the-download-clarifying-marriage-a-canon-lawyer-joins-the-panel/

The Beauty of Marriage from a Biblical Perspective  http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/02/12/the-beauty-of-marriage-from-a-biblical-perspective/

Saint Pope John Paul II’s Theology of the Body in Video Presentation Saint Pope John Paul II’s Theology of the Body in Video Presentation

Sophia Sketchpad on Marriage Sophia Sketchpad – Marriage

Sacraments 101: Matrimony (Why make it Catholic)? Sacraments 101: Matrimony (Why make it Catholic?)

Want to change the world? It starts with joy – Archbishop Charles Chaput says http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/07/28/want-to-change-the-world-it-starts-with-joy-archbishop-charles-chaput-says/

How to Fix the “Annulment of Marriage Mentality”?  http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/07/14/how-to-fix-the-annulment-of-marriage-mentality/

A love that is life long: The marriage God wants for you A love that is life long: The marriage God wants for you

What’s destroying some Catholic marriages? What’s destroying some Catholic marriages?

‘Love Is Love’—or is it? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/10/06/love-is-love-or-is-it/

The worm that is killing married love http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/10/06/the-worm-that-is-killing-married-love/

‘An act of pure evil’: Are rifles or relationships at the bottom of the madness in Las Vegas?   http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/10/06/an-act-of-pure-evil-are-rifles-or-relationships-at-the-bottom-of-the-madness-in-las-vegas/

The Centrality of Love to the Teaching of Humanae Vitae  http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/07/21/the-centrality-of-love-to-the-teaching-of-humanae-vitae/

Historian lays out how we’ve arrived at today’s unprecedented attacks on the family http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/05/20/historian-lays-out-how-weve-arrived-at-todays-unprecedented-attacks-on-the-family/

Divorce’s many victims Divorce’s many victims

FATHERLESSNESS BREEDING SCHOOL GUN VIOLENCE http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2018/03/16/fatherlessness-breeding-school-gun-violence/

What Catholics need to know about marriage and sex, Part 2 What Catholics need to know about marriage and sex, Part 2

Why happily married women need to talk about sex?  http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/04/08/why-happily-married-women-need-to-talk-about-sex/

Deficiencies of the Family Code of the Philippines (II): Void and Voidable Marriages? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/12/03/deficiencies-of-the-family-code-of-the-philippines-ii-void-and-voidable-marriages/

Can a Catholic sign a pre-nuptial agreement? Can a Catholic sign a pre-nuptial agreement?

We want Church truth on marriage, young Catholics say We want Church truth on marriage, young Catholics say

Wives, Be Subordinate to Your Husbands? – John Paul II on Ephesians 5:21-33 http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/02/12/wives-be-subordinate-to-your-husbands-john-paul-ii-on-ephesians-521-33/

An Open Letter to the Adulterers outed by the Ashley Madison Hackers An Open Letter to the Adulterers Outed by the Ashley Madison Hackers

Pro-life, Married & Contracepting: Is there a a problem? Pro-life, Married & Contracepting: Is there a problem?

Pope Francis’ General Audience: The Family is an irreplaceable source of stability for children Pope Francis’ General Audience: The Family is an irreplaceable source of stability for children

The 4 most important parts of marriage The 4 most important parts of marriage

Pre-Cana with St. John Chrysostom: 7 Tips to a successful marriage Pre-Cana with St. John Chrysostom: 7 Tips to a successful marriage

Reflections on the Indissolubility of Marriage and the Trinity http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/02/12/reflections-on-the-indissolubility-of-marriage-and-the-trinity/

Why Is Marriage Indissoluble? “The first natural tie of human society is man and wife.” St. Augustine http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/04/14/why-is-marriage-indissoluble-the-first-natural-tie-of-human-society-is-man-and-wife-st-augustine/

Sins Against the sacrament of marriage 44 Sins against the sacrament of marriage

Live-in: Research facts and analysis on cohabitation Live-in: Research facts and analysis on cohabitation

Bishop Olmsted Calls Men Into the Breach http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/02/05/bishop-olmsted-calls-men-into-the-breach/

Pope Francis: When families teach forgiveness, they strengthen society Pope Francis: When families teach forgiveness, they strengthen society

THIS EUROPEAN NATION JUST FOUGHT THE GAY AGENDA AND WON – Pope Francis lent a hand http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2015/12/23/this-european-nation-just-fought-the-gay-agenda-and-won-pope-francis-lent-a-hand/

Never Date a Feminist: 12 Warning Signs for Young Men http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/04/07/never-date-a-feminist-12-warning-signs-for-young-men/

Keeping sex for marriage helps marriages last the distance http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/06/15/keeping-sex-for-marriage-helps-marriages-last-the-distance/

Pope Francis: Most Catholic marriages are null, some ‘cohabitations’ are ‘real marriage’ http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/06/19/pope-francis-most-catholic-marriages-are-null-some-cohabitations-are-real-marriage/

Why Christ Will Never Let His Bride Redefine Marriage? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/08/19/why-christ-will-never-let-his-bride-redefine-marriage/

Gay ‘marriage’: It’s not gay, and it’s not marriage – G.K. Chesterton  http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/09/14/gay-marriage-its-not-gay-and-its-not-marriage-g-k-chesterton/

Church’s Teaching on Marriage Comes From Author of Creation, Say Bishops  http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/09/16/churchs-teaching-on-marriage-comes-from-author-of-creation-say-bishops/

The family in the era of soulmate marriage http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/09/29/the-family-in-the-era-of-soulmate-marriage/

Why millenials don’t want kids… Are their reasons good enough? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/09/29/why-millenials-dont-want-kids-are-their-reasons-good-enough/

Real insights about porn and marriage  http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/10/28/real-insights-about-porn-and-marriage/

10 Issues You Should Discuss Before You Get Married (otherwise your marriage could be invalid!) http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/11/12/10-issues-you-should-discuss-before-you-get-married-otherwise-your-marriage-could-be-invalid/

Engaged Couple’s Spiritual Checklist http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/11/13/engaged-couples-spiritual-checklist/

Should You Get Married in the Church? 7 Couples Share Their Experience  http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/11/13/should-you-get-married-in-the-church-7-couples-share-their-experience/

Must Catholics Marry in a Church? Must Catholics Have Their Wedding in a Church? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/11/13/must-catholics-marry-in-a-church-must-catholics-have-their-wedding-in-a-church/

Last Video Released in Series on Marriage http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/12/21/last-video-released-in-series-on-marriage/

For Catholics A Woman’s Place is in the Home http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/01/20/for-catholics-a-womans-place-is-in-the-home/

Real Women- The Catholic View Marriage and Family http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/01/20/real-women-the-catholic-view-marriage-and-family/

Real Women- Feminine Virtue and the Moral Life  http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/01/20/real-women-feminine-virtue-and-the-moral-life/

The Human Person Is a Bioethical Word http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/01/20/the-human-person-is-a-bioethical-word/

Millennials stall the gender revolution in the home  http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/04/08/millennials-stall-the-gender-revolution-in-the-home/

‘Don’t Judge’ — How to Respond When Your Relativistic Friend Quotes Jesus  http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/04/22/dont-judge-how-to-respond-when-your-relativistic-friend-quotes-jesus/

Don’t divorce: Powerful arguments for saving and revitalizing your marriage http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/04/22/dont-divorce-powerful-arguments-for-saving-and-revitalizing-your-marriage/

Procreation: Still the Primary End of Marriage  http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/04/25/procreation-still-the-primary-end-of-marriage/

Archbishop Charles Chaput: ‘The future belongs to people with children, not with things’ http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/08/02/archbishop-charles-chaput-the-future-belongs-to-people-with-children-not-with-things/

The Church teaches contracepted sex leads to hell. So, why is a priest promoting it in Rome? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2018/01/12/the-church-teaches-contracepted-sex-leads-to-hell-so-why-is-a-priest-promoting-it-in-rome/

Birth Control and NFP: What’s the Difference?  http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/07/14/birth-control-and-nfp-whats-the-difference/

Divorce, Remarriage, and “Discerning the Body” http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/05/17/divorce-remarriage-and-discerning-the-body/

Annulments of Marriage: A Concession to Human Weakness  http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/07/05/annulments-of-marriage-a-concession-to-human-weakness/

PSYCHOLOGIST VICKI THORN: FREE LOVE HAS CREATED CHAOS  http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/07/27/psychologist-vicki-thorn-free-love-has-created-chaos/

Bishop Thomas Paprocki under fire for denying funerals for people in same-sex ‘marriages’ refuses to back down http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/07/30/bishop-thomas-paprocki-under-fire-for-denying-funerals-for-people-in-same-sex-marriages-refuses-to-back-down/

But What About Abusive Marriages?  http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/08/04/but-what-about-abusive-marriages/

Sex, Sanity, and Beliefs that ‘Live Loudly’ Within Us – Archbishop Charles Chaput http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/09/13/sex-sanity-and-beliefs-that-live-loudly-within-us-archbishop-charles-chaput/

What Makes a Marriage Valid?  http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/08/09/what-makes-a-marriage-valid/

What’s changed in Britain since same-sex marriage? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/09/13/whats-changed-in-britain-since-same-sex-marriage/

Subversion, liberty, and ‘marriage equality’  http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/09/14/subversion-liberty-and-marriage-equality/

AUSTRALIAN BISHOP VINCENT LONG WON’T FIGHT GAY MARRIAGE VOTE  http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/09/14/australian-bishop-vincent-long-wont-fight-gay-marriage-vote/

Alternative truths: A wife’s view of a gay coming out http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/09/15/alternative-truths-a-wifes-view-of-a-gay-coming-out/

Is There Marriage In Heaven? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/11/02/is-there-marriage-in-heaven/

Be a Man – Get Married http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/11/15/be-a-man-get-married/

There is No More Important Job Than Being a Good Mother http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/11/19/there-is-no-more-important-job-than-being-a-good-mother/

Our Current Youth Culture and its Upcoming Impact on Successful Marriages http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/11/27/our-current-youth-culture-and-its-upcoming-impact-on-successful-marriages/

The Church Needs Honesty About Sexuality http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2018/01/21/the-church-needs-honesty-about-sexuality/

Being Open to Life—Abstract Norm, or Embodied Word? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2018/01/23/being-open-to-life-abstract-norm-or-embodied-word/

Portland Archbishop Alexander Sample celebrates marriage Mass after call for new family initiatives http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2018/02/05/portland-archbishop-alexander-sample-celebrates-marriage-mass-after-call-for-new-family-initiatives/

Children of Divorce Aren’t “Resilient”; They Just Suffer in Secret http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2018/03/16/children-of-divorce-arent-resilient-they-just-suffer-in-secret/

“God himself is the author of marriage” (GS 48:1). The vocation of marriage is written in the very nature of man and woman as they came from the hand of the Creator. Marriage is not a purely human institution despite the many variations it may have undergone through the centuries in different cultures, social structures, and spiritual attitudes (CCC:1603)