5 Reasons Why I Ask for My Husband’s Permission
A friend once asked me if we could get together for a girls night out, and I naturally replied as I always do to these invitations, “I’d love to! Let me ask Dave first, and I will let you know…” My friend rolled her eyes and laughed under her breath as she replied, “Really? You need your husband’s permission? Gah. My husband and I never ask for permission. I just do my thing. And, he does his thing.”
I couldn’t believe she said that. Why would this even be an issue?
Sure. There are times I honestly don’t want to ask Dave’s permission, but I do it anyway because HE IS MY HUSBAND. I love him. We are one. Our individual lives are interdependent. Therefore, every personal decision we make automatically brings joint consequences.
We don’t always seek permission about minor things like what to wear or what to eat, but we have always consulted each other on most everything else. And, I like it. It works for us.
In spite of my own feelings about the matter, my friend’s response got me thinking.
Am I the NORM or is asking your spouse’s permission before making scheduling decisions or major lifestyle changes a RARE thing?
Honestly, I don’t know. But, I do know that my husband, Dave, and I have a better marriage because of it, and here’s why:
1. Asking permission is a sign of RESPECT.
Whenever Dave asks me if he can go somewhere and do something, I feel loved and respected. We are married after all. Why wouldn’t we consult each other first before placing something on the calendar, applying for a new job, or moving? These things affect BOTH of us, so we need to discuss it first out of respect for one another.
For more on this, check out, “5 Signs that We are Too Critical of Our Spouse and How to Turn it Around”, by clicking here.
2. It ensures LESS CONFLICT.
The phrase “just do it and ask for forgiveness later” doesn’t work in marriage. We need to ask each other first, so it will be less likely for us to fight about a decision later. When we make a decision TOGETHER beforehand…no matter what the outcome may be…we can stay unified and resist pointing fingers at one another later.
For more on how to handle conflict in your marriage, please read, “4 BIG DOs and DON’Ts When Arguing with Your Spouse”, by clicking here.
3. We both feel EMPOWERED.
Some may argue that asking for permission creates a marriage that is more like a parent-child relationship, but that isn’t true when BOTH ask for it. Please let me be clear here…it is NOT healthy or acceptable for one partner to constantly have to ask the other for permission when the partner being asked goes off and does whatever he/she pleases. This is manipulative and unloving and can lead to abusive behavior.
For more on this, read “3 Ways How Asking for Your Spouse’s Permission Can Go Wrong”, by clicking here.Whenever we go to our spouse to consult with him/her on a decision, we both walk away empowered. It doesn’t mean that we couldn’t make that particular decision on our own; it just means that we don’t want to. We love and respect our spouse enough to seek his/her guidance and desire to make a collective decision.
For more on this, check out my blog, “My husband doesn’t complete me, and I will tell you why.”, by clicking here.
There will certainly be times when the husband and wife will be at a standstill when making a certain decision. In this case, the Bible tells us that the husband should make the call (Ephesians 5:22-33). Read my husband’s blog, “The Truth about Submission in Marriage” , for more on this.
4. We make BETTER DECISIONS.
When we ask for our partner’s permission before deciding to do things like have a girls’ night out, go to the game with the guys, take on another job, change jobs, choosing when to go to the gym, switch daycares, go back to school, serve on the PTA, etc., we get more perspective and insight from each other and make a more informed decision. We help each other weigh the pros and cons to decide if something is a good fit or at the right time. Sure, some of the scenarios I listed are bigger decisions than others, but all are important enough to discuss as a couple.
5. It keeps us ENGAGED in each other’s lives.
Sadly, I hear from too many married couples who are stuck in a lonely, unengaged existence. Some are nothing more than roommates living separate lives like passing ships in the night. They wake up, say “hello”, go to work without a call or text to one another all day, come home, run the kids to where they need to go, eat dinner without a word or in separate places, maybe meet up with a friend or focus all their attention on the kids at night, say “goodnight”, and go to bed…in two different worlds…a million miles apart.
What happened? They stopped engaging in the “everyday moments”. They stopped talking. They stopped trying. They assumed they could do it all on their own, and they did.
Why be married if you want to go it alone?
Read, “The BIG Lie that Leads to a Lonely Marriage”, for more on this.
We need to know and be a part of everything going on in each others’ lives. This keeps the flame blazing. It’s no mistake that we call our pre-marital season our “engagement”. When we were engaged, we planned our wedding, dreamt about our future, spent every moment we had together, and were excited about what God had in store for us.
The engagement should NEVER stop. Marriage calls for deeper engagement between husband and wife, and asking for permission and insight from one another is a big part of staying connected with one another.
Looking for a FUN, easy, and practical way to enhance your marriage? Check out our NEW Marriage App, by clicking here.
Here-under are some articles about family and marriage for you to read or watch:
- Getting to know you, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=284
- Be Positive, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=288
- Love and Marriage, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=292
- Endless Love – Marriage after all, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=294
- Say it with love, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=298
- Quality family moments, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=300
- Secret of successful marriage, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=302
- The vocation of marriage, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=1968
- Marriage as Covenant, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=1974
- Humility: Foundation for Marital Happiness, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=1986
- Gratitude: Foundation for marriage, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=1980
- True Meaning of marriage, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=1972
- Marriage and incompatibility, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=2112
- Love is a garden, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=2116
- Three kinds of love, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=2095
The Silent Marriage Killer That’s More Deadly Than Sex & Money http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/10/22/the-silent-marriage-killer-thats-more-deadly-than-sex-money/
Have the courage to marry, start a family, Pope Francis tells youths in Assisi http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/05/30/have-the-courage-to-marry-start-a-family-pope-francis-tells-youths-in-assisi/
Pope Francis says marriage can only be between a man and a woman and ‘we cannot change it’ http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/09/07/pope-francis-says-marriage-can-only-be-between-a-man-and-a-woman-and-we-cannot-change-it/
THE DOWNLOAD: CLARIFYING MARRIAGE – A canon lawyer joins the panel http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/05/15/the-download-clarifying-marriage-a-canon-lawyer-joins-the-panel/
The Beauty of Marriage from a Biblical Perspective http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/02/12/the-beauty-of-marriage-from-a-biblical-perspective/
Saint Pope John Paul II’s Theology of the Body in Video Presentation Saint Pope John Paul II’s Theology of the Body in Video Presentation
Sophia Sketchpad on Marriage Sophia Sketchpad – Marriage
Want to change the world? It starts with joy – Archbishop Charles Chaput says http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/07/28/want-to-change-the-world-it-starts-with-joy-archbishop-charles-chaput-says/
How to Fix the “Annulment of Marriage Mentality”? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/07/14/how-to-fix-the-annulment-of-marriage-mentality/
A love that is life long: The marriage God wants for you A love that is life long: The marriage God wants for you
What’s destroying some Catholic marriages? What’s destroying some Catholic marriages?
‘Love Is Love’—or is it? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/10/06/love-is-love-or-is-it/
The worm that is killing married love http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/10/06/the-worm-that-is-killing-married-love/
‘An act of pure evil’: Are rifles or relationships at the bottom of the madness in Las Vegas? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/10/06/an-act-of-pure-evil-are-rifles-or-relationships-at-the-bottom-of-the-madness-in-las-vegas/
The Centrality of Love to the Teaching of Humanae Vitae http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/07/21/the-centrality-of-love-to-the-teaching-of-humanae-vitae/
Historian lays out how we’ve arrived at today’s unprecedented attacks on the family http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/05/20/historian-lays-out-how-weve-arrived-at-todays-unprecedented-attacks-on-the-family/
Divorce’s many victims Divorce’s many victims
What Catholics need to know about marriage and sex, Part 2 What Catholics need to know about marriage and sex, Part 2
Why happily married women need to talk about sex? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/04/08/why-happily-married-women-need-to-talk-about-sex/
Deficiencies of the Family Code of the Philippines (II): Void and Voidable Marriages? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/12/03/deficiencies-of-the-family-code-of-the-philippines-ii-void-and-voidable-marriages/
Can a Catholic sign a pre-nuptial agreement? Can a Catholic sign a pre-nuptial agreement?
We want Church truth on marriage, young Catholics say We want Church truth on marriage, young Catholics say
Wives, Be Subordinate to Your Husbands? – John Paul II on Ephesians 5:21-33 http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/02/12/wives-be-subordinate-to-your-husbands-john-paul-ii-on-ephesians-521-33/
An Open Letter to the Adulterers outed by the Ashley Madison Hackers An Open Letter to the Adulterers Outed by the Ashley Madison Hackers
Pro-life, Married & Contracepting: Is there a a problem? Pro-life, Married & Contracepting: Is there a problem?
Pope Francis’ General Audience: The Family is an irreplaceable source of stability for children Pope Francis’ General Audience: The Family is an irreplaceable source of stability for children
The 4 most important parts of marriage The 4 most important parts of marriage
Pre-Cana with St. John Chrysostom: 7 Tips to a successful marriage Pre-Cana with St. John Chrysostom: 7 Tips to a successful marriage
Reflections on the Indissolubility of Marriage and the Trinity http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/02/12/reflections-on-the-indissolubility-of-marriage-and-the-trinity/
Why Is Marriage Indissoluble? “The first natural tie of human society is man and wife.” St. Augustine http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/04/14/why-is-marriage-indissoluble-the-first-natural-tie-of-human-society-is-man-and-wife-st-augustine/
Sins Against the sacrament of marriage 44 Sins against the sacrament of marriage
Live-in: Research facts and analysis on cohabitation Live-in: Research facts and analysis on cohabitation
Bishop Olmsted Calls Men Into the Breach http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/02/05/bishop-olmsted-calls-men-into-the-breach/
Pope Francis: When families teach forgiveness, they strengthen society Pope Francis: When families teach forgiveness, they strengthen society
THIS EUROPEAN NATION JUST FOUGHT THE GAY AGENDA AND WON – Pope Francis lent a hand http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2015/12/23/this-european-nation-just-fought-the-gay-agenda-and-won-pope-francis-lent-a-hand/
Never Date a Feminist: 12 Warning Signs for Young Men http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/04/07/never-date-a-feminist-12-warning-signs-for-young-men/
Keeping sex for marriage helps marriages last the distance http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/06/15/keeping-sex-for-marriage-helps-marriages-last-the-distance/
Pope Francis: Most Catholic marriages are null, some ‘cohabitations’ are ‘real marriage’ http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/06/19/pope-francis-most-catholic-marriages-are-null-some-cohabitations-are-real-marriage/
Why Christ Will Never Let His Bride Redefine Marriage? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/08/19/why-christ-will-never-let-his-bride-redefine-marriage/
Gay ‘marriage’: It’s not gay, and it’s not marriage – G.K. Chesterton http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/09/14/gay-marriage-its-not-gay-and-its-not-marriage-g-k-chesterton/
Church’s Teaching on Marriage Comes From Author of Creation, Say Bishops http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/09/16/churchs-teaching-on-marriage-comes-from-author-of-creation-say-bishops/
The family in the era of soulmate marriage http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/09/29/the-family-in-the-era-of-soulmate-marriage/
Why millenials don’t want kids… Are their reasons good enough? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/09/29/why-millenials-dont-want-kids-are-their-reasons-good-enough/
Real insights about porn and marriage http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/10/28/real-insights-about-porn-and-marriage/
10 Issues You Should Discuss Before You Get Married (otherwise your marriage could be invalid!) http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/11/12/10-issues-you-should-discuss-before-you-get-married-otherwise-your-marriage-could-be-invalid/
Engaged Couple’s Spiritual Checklist http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/11/13/engaged-couples-spiritual-checklist/
Should You Get Married in the Church? 7 Couples Share Their Experience http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/11/13/should-you-get-married-in-the-church-7-couples-share-their-experience/
Must Catholics Marry in a Church? Must Catholics Have Their Wedding in a Church? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/11/13/must-catholics-marry-in-a-church-must-catholics-have-their-wedding-in-a-church/
Last Video Released in Series on Marriage http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/12/21/last-video-released-in-series-on-marriage/
For Catholics A Woman’s Place is in the Home http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/01/20/for-catholics-a-womans-place-is-in-the-home/
Real Women- The Catholic View Marriage and Family http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/01/20/real-women-the-catholic-view-marriage-and-family/
Real Women- Feminine Virtue and the Moral Life http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/01/20/real-women-feminine-virtue-and-the-moral-life/
The Human Person Is a Bioethical Word http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/01/20/the-human-person-is-a-bioethical-word/
Millennials stall the gender revolution in the home http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/04/08/millennials-stall-the-gender-revolution-in-the-home/
‘Don’t Judge’ — How to Respond When Your Relativistic Friend Quotes Jesus http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/04/22/dont-judge-how-to-respond-when-your-relativistic-friend-quotes-jesus/
Don’t divorce: Powerful arguments for saving and revitalizing your marriage http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/04/22/dont-divorce-powerful-arguments-for-saving-and-revitalizing-your-marriage/
Procreation: Still the Primary End of Marriage http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/04/25/procreation-still-the-primary-end-of-marriage/
Archbishop Charles Chaput: ‘The future belongs to people with children, not with things’ http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/08/02/archbishop-charles-chaput-the-future-belongs-to-people-with-children-not-with-things/
The Church teaches contracepted sex leads to hell. So, why is a priest promoting it in Rome? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2018/01/12/the-church-teaches-contracepted-sex-leads-to-hell-so-why-is-a-priest-promoting-it-in-rome/
Birth Control and NFP: What’s the Difference? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/07/14/birth-control-and-nfp-whats-the-difference/
Divorce, Remarriage, and “Discerning the Body” http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/05/17/divorce-remarriage-and-discerning-the-body/
Annulments of Marriage: A Concession to Human Weakness http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/07/05/annulments-of-marriage-a-concession-to-human-weakness/
PSYCHOLOGIST VICKI THORN: FREE LOVE HAS CREATED CHAOS http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/07/27/psychologist-vicki-thorn-free-love-has-created-chaos/
Bishop Thomas Paprocki under fire for denying funerals for people in same-sex ‘marriages’ refuses to back down http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/07/30/bishop-thomas-paprocki-under-fire-for-denying-funerals-for-people-in-same-sex-marriages-refuses-to-back-down/
But What About Abusive Marriages? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/08/04/but-what-about-abusive-marriages/
Sex, Sanity, and Beliefs that ‘Live Loudly’ Within Us – Archbishop Charles Chaput http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/09/13/sex-sanity-and-beliefs-that-live-loudly-within-us-archbishop-charles-chaput/
What Makes a Marriage Valid? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/08/09/what-makes-a-marriage-valid/
What’s changed in Britain since same-sex marriage? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/09/13/whats-changed-in-britain-since-same-sex-marriage/
Subversion, liberty, and ‘marriage equality’ http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/09/14/subversion-liberty-and-marriage-equality/
AUSTRALIAN BISHOP VINCENT LONG WON’T FIGHT GAY MARRIAGE VOTE http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/09/14/australian-bishop-vincent-long-wont-fight-gay-marriage-vote/
Alternative truths: A wife’s view of a gay coming out http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/09/15/alternative-truths-a-wifes-view-of-a-gay-coming-out/
Is There Marriage In Heaven? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/11/02/is-there-marriage-in-heaven/
Be a Man – Get Married http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/11/15/be-a-man-get-married/
There is No More Important Job Than Being a Good Mother http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/11/19/there-is-no-more-important-job-than-being-a-good-mother/
Our Current Youth Culture and its Upcoming Impact on Successful Marriages http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/11/27/our-current-youth-culture-and-its-upcoming-impact-on-successful-marriages/
The Church Needs Honesty About Sexuality http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2018/01/21/the-church-needs-honesty-about-sexuality/
Being Open to Life—Abstract Norm, or Embodied Word? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2018/01/23/being-open-to-life-abstract-norm-or-embodied-word/
“God himself is the author of marriage” (GS 48:1). The vocation of marriage is written in the very nature of man and woman as they came from the hand of the Creator. Marriage is not a purely human institution despite the many variations it may have undergone through the centuries in different cultures, social structures, and spiritual attitudes (CCC:1603)