Think about the lies our society has bought into since the ‘60s.
Divorce isn’t ideal, but the kids will be fine. After all, parents’ desires matter, and children are resilient.
Abortion isn’t an ideal solution to an unwanted pregnancy, but what’s a woman to do? She should have control over her own body.
Day care workers or a hodgepodge of babysitters aren’t ideal caregivers for babies. But we can’t expect a smart, educated woman to put her baby ahead of her career.
Of course, we now have extensive research that makes it clear that divorce is, in fact, harmful for children. In her analysis of three decades worth of that research on the subject, Dr. Jane Anderson sums it up on the website for the American College of Pediatricians: “Divorce has been shown to diminish a child’s future competence in all areas of life, including family relationships, education, emotional well-being, and future earning power.”
As for abortion, we now have science to tell us what we really knew all along: that when a woman has an abortion she’s taking the life of a human being with its own distinct DNA.
And what about taking care of babies and young children? Does it matter who does it? We now have scientific research that it most certainly does.
Erica Komisar is the author of the book, Being There: Why Prioritizing Motherhood in the First Three Years Matters. Based on her clinical work as a psychoanalyst, and citing the latest neurobiological and psychological research on attachment, caregiving, and brain development, Komisar has the courage (some might say audacity) to write this:
“It is my belief that it is best for a child to have his mother as his primary caregiver and for her to be emotionally and physically present for as much of his first three years as possible.”
Komisar acknowledges that making such a statement is controversial and that there are very few people who want to talk about what is truly best for children. She sees the effects of maternal absence on children as a major social issue of our time.
Among other things, Komisar cites evidence that a mother’s nurturing presence in a child’s early years helps brain development and offers a greater chance of being emotionally secure. “The capacity to develop in a healthy manner, to regulate stress, to balance emotions, and to feel for another human being begins with mothers,” she writes.
Of course, mere physical presence isn’t enough: mothers must be emotionally present, too. In a society addicted to multi-tasking, Komisar writes that giving a child your dividedattention – talking on a cellphone, reading text messages, checking the internet – is notbeing emotionally present. In her experience, it’s rare to see someone pushing a stroller or baby carriage who isn’t talking on a cellphone at the same time.
Komisar acknowledges that financial concerns are a huge issue for many women when deciding whether to return to work after the birth of a child. But she encourages them to consider whether those financial resources are needed or wanted. “Your baby does not care if she has a bigger room or a Florida vacation; what she wants is you and the safety and security of being in your presence,” she writes. Committing to having children, she says, should mean committing to making sacrifices. For mothers who must work, Komisar offers suggestions on everything from how to make the most of time spent together, to how to handle saying goodbye in the morning and reuniting later, and what questions to ask potential substitute caregivers.
In her 24 years of work as a psychoanalyst, social worker and parent guidance expert, Komisar has treated both adults and children for a variety of ailments, from behavioral and developmental issues, to depression, anxiety and addictions of every kind. “From my firsthand professional observation,” she writes, “I have come to understand the connections between these symptoms and disorders and the emotional and physical absence of young children’s mothers in their day-to-day lives.” Mothers often come to her because their children are having social, behavioral and developmental issues. Komisar believes that in many cases, those symptoms are related to “the premature separation of children from their mothers.”
Komisar goes so far as to suggest that we should consider whether the increase in the number of children diagnosed with autism spectrum disorders, ADHD, and other problems is directly related to the lack of consistent, intimate engagement of mothers with their children.
Komisar lived out her beliefs. She postponed writing the book until her children were older so that she could be, as she puts it, “fully present” for them. When each of her three children was born, she took six months off from her practice. Then she returned to work gradually, starting with one and a half hours a day, five days a week. By the time her youngest turned three, she was working three hours a day.
If you haven’t heard of this book, there’s a reason. Despite the fact that Komisar is, by her own description, a political liberal, the liberal media didn’t want to have much to do with her or her book. In an interview with the Wall Street Journal, Komisar, who is Jewish, says that while trying to promote her book, she was warmly received by Christian radio stations and on “Fox & Friends.” But she couldn’t get on NPR and was, as she put it, “rejected wholesale – particularly in New York – by the liberal press.” While ABC’s “Good Morning America” was one of the few network shows to have her on, Komisar reports that seconds before airtime, the host told her, “I don’t believe in the premise of your book at all. I don’t like your book.”
Society used to value motherhood instinctively. Now we have evidence that those instincts were correct. It’s time to acknowledge that there is no more important job than being a good mother. As C.S. Lewis wrote “Children are not a distraction from more important work. They are the most important work.”
It’s time to encourage and support women who put their children’s needs ahead of their own, at least for a time. “The truth is, we can do everything in life, but not at the same time,” Komisar writes. “We cannot raise healthy children if we are not there for them emotionally and physically.
Marcia Segelstein has covered family issues for over 20 years as a producer for CBS News and as a columnist. She has written for FoxNews.com, “First Things,” “World Magazine,” and “Touchstone.” She is a Senior Editor for “SALVO” magazine.
Here-under are some articles about family and marriage for you to read or watch:
- Getting to know you, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=284
- Be Positive, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=288
- Love and Marriage, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=292
- Endless Love – Marriage after all, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=294
- Say it with love, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=298
- Quality family moments, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=300
- Secret of successful marriage, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=302
- The vocation of marriage, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=1968
- Marriage as Covenant, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=1974
- Humility: Foundation for Marital Happiness, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=1986
- Gratitude: Foundation for marriage, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=1980
- True Meaning of marriage, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=1972
- Marriage and incompatibility, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=2112
- Love is a garden, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=2116
- Three kinds of love, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=2095
The Silent Marriage Killer That’s More Deadly Than Sex & Money http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/10/22/the-silent-marriage-killer-thats-more-deadly-than-sex-money/
Have the courage to marry, start a family, Pope Francis tells youths in Assisi http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/05/30/have-the-courage-to-marry-start-a-family-pope-francis-tells-youths-in-assisi/
Pope Francis says marriage can only be between a man and a woman and ‘we cannot change it’ http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/09/07/pope-francis-says-marriage-can-only-be-between-a-man-and-a-woman-and-we-cannot-change-it/
THE DOWNLOAD: CLARIFYING MARRIAGE – A canon lawyer joins the panel http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/05/15/the-download-clarifying-marriage-a-canon-lawyer-joins-the-panel/
The Beauty of Marriage from a Biblical Perspective http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/02/12/the-beauty-of-marriage-from-a-biblical-perspective/
Saint Pope John Paul II’s Theology of the Body in Video Presentation Saint Pope John Paul II’s Theology of the Body in Video Presentation
Sophia Sketchpad on Marriage Sophia Sketchpad – Marriage
Want to change the world? It starts with joy – Archbishop Charles Chaput says http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/07/28/want-to-change-the-world-it-starts-with-joy-archbishop-charles-chaput-says/
How to Fix the “Annulment of Marriage Mentality”? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/07/14/how-to-fix-the-annulment-of-marriage-mentality/
A love that is life long: The marriage God wants for you A love that is life long: The marriage God wants for you
What’s destroying some Catholic marriages? What’s destroying some Catholic marriages?
‘Love Is Love’—or is it? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/10/06/love-is-love-or-is-it/
The worm that is killing married love http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/10/06/the-worm-that-is-killing-married-love/
‘An act of pure evil’: Are rifles or relationships at the bottom of the madness in Las Vegas? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/10/06/an-act-of-pure-evil-are-rifles-or-relationships-at-the-bottom-of-the-madness-in-las-vegas/
The Centrality of Love to the Teaching of Humanae Vitae http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/07/21/the-centrality-of-love-to-the-teaching-of-humanae-vitae/
Historian lays out how we’ve arrived at today’s unprecedented attacks on the family http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/05/20/historian-lays-out-how-weve-arrived-at-todays-unprecedented-attacks-on-the-family/
Divorce’s many victims Divorce’s many victims
What Catholics need to know about marriage and sex, Part 2 What Catholics need to know about marriage and sex, Part 2
Why happily married women need to talk about sex? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/04/08/why-happily-married-women-need-to-talk-about-sex/
Can a Catholic sign a pre-nuptial agreement? Can a Catholic sign a pre-nuptial agreement?
We want Church truth on marriage, young Catholics say We want Church truth on marriage, young Catholics say
Wives, Be Subordinate to Your Husbands? – John Paul II on Ephesians 5:21-33 http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/02/12/wives-be-subordinate-to-your-husbands-john-paul-ii-on-ephesians-521-33/
An Open Letter to the Adulterers outed by the Ashley Madison Hackers An Open Letter to the Adulterers Outed by the Ashley Madison Hackers
Pro-life, Married & Contracepting: Is there a a problem? Pro-life, Married & Contracepting: Is there a problem?
Pope Francis’ General Audience: The Family is an irreplaceable source of stability for children Pope Francis’ General Audience: The Family is an irreplaceable source of stability for children
The 4 most important parts of marriage The 4 most important parts of marriage
Pre-Cana with St. John Chrysostom: 7 Tips to a successful marriage Pre-Cana with St. John Chrysostom: 7 Tips to a successful marriage
Reflections on the Indissolubility of Marriage and the Trinity http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/02/12/reflections-on-the-indissolubility-of-marriage-and-the-trinity/
Why Is Marriage Indissoluble? “The first natural tie of human society is man and wife.” St. Augustine http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/04/14/why-is-marriage-indissoluble-the-first-natural-tie-of-human-society-is-man-and-wife-st-augustine/
Sins Against the sacrament of marriage 44 Sins against the sacrament of marriage
Live-in: Research facts and analysis on cohabitation Live-in: Research facts and analysis on cohabitation
Bishop Olmsted Calls Men Into the Breach http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/02/05/bishop-olmsted-calls-men-into-the-breach/
Pope Francis: When families teach forgiveness, they strengthen society Pope Francis: When families teach forgiveness, they strengthen society
THIS EUROPEAN NATION JUST FOUGHT THE GAY AGENDA AND WON – Pope Francis lent a hand http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2015/12/23/this-european-nation-just-fought-the-gay-agenda-and-won-pope-francis-lent-a-hand/
Never Date a Feminist: 12 Warning Signs for Young Men http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/04/07/never-date-a-feminist-12-warning-signs-for-young-men/
Keeping sex for marriage helps marriages last the distance http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/06/15/keeping-sex-for-marriage-helps-marriages-last-the-distance/
Pope Francis: Most Catholic marriages are null, some ‘cohabitations’ are ‘real marriage’ http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/06/19/pope-francis-most-catholic-marriages-are-null-some-cohabitations-are-real-marriage/
Why Christ Will Never Let His Bride Redefine Marriage? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/08/19/why-christ-will-never-let-his-bride-redefine-marriage/
Gay ‘marriage’: It’s not gay, and it’s not marriage – G.K. Chesterton http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/09/14/gay-marriage-its-not-gay-and-its-not-marriage-g-k-chesterton/
Church’s Teaching on Marriage Comes From Author of Creation, Say Bishops http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/09/16/churchs-teaching-on-marriage-comes-from-author-of-creation-say-bishops/
The family in the era of soulmate marriage http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/09/29/the-family-in-the-era-of-soulmate-marriage/
Why millenials don’t want kids… Are their reasons good enough? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/09/29/why-millenials-dont-want-kids-are-their-reasons-good-enough/
Real insights about porn and marriage http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/10/28/real-insights-about-porn-and-marriage/
10 Issues You Should Discuss Before You Get Married (otherwise your marriage could be invalid!) http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/11/12/10-issues-you-should-discuss-before-you-get-married-otherwise-your-marriage-could-be-invalid/
Engaged Couple’s Spiritual Checklist http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/11/13/engaged-couples-spiritual-checklist/
Should You Get Married in the Church? 7 Couples Share Their Experience http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/11/13/should-you-get-married-in-the-church-7-couples-share-their-experience/
Must Catholics Marry in a Church? Must Catholics Have Their Wedding in a Church? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/11/13/must-catholics-marry-in-a-church-must-catholics-have-their-wedding-in-a-church/
Last Video Released in Series on Marriage http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/12/21/last-video-released-in-series-on-marriage/
For Catholics A Woman’s Place is in the Home http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/01/20/for-catholics-a-womans-place-is-in-the-home/
Real Women- The Catholic View Marriage and Family http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/01/20/real-women-the-catholic-view-marriage-and-family/
Real Women- Feminine Virtue and the Moral Life http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/01/20/real-women-feminine-virtue-and-the-moral-life/
The Human Person Is a Bioethical Word http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/01/20/the-human-person-is-a-bioethical-word/
Millennials stall the gender revolution in the home http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/04/08/millennials-stall-the-gender-revolution-in-the-home/
‘Don’t Judge’ — How to Respond When Your Relativistic Friend Quotes Jesus http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/04/22/dont-judge-how-to-respond-when-your-relativistic-friend-quotes-jesus/
Don’t divorce: Powerful arguments for saving and revitalizing your marriage http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/04/22/dont-divorce-powerful-arguments-for-saving-and-revitalizing-your-marriage/
Procreation: Still the Primary End of Marriage http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/04/25/procreation-still-the-primary-end-of-marriage/
Archbishop Charles Chaput: ‘The future belongs to people with children, not with things’ http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/08/02/archbishop-charles-chaput-the-future-belongs-to-people-with-children-not-with-things/
Birth Control and NFP: What’s the Difference? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/07/14/birth-control-and-nfp-whats-the-difference/
Divorce, Remarriage, and “Discerning the Body” http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/05/17/divorce-remarriage-and-discerning-the-body/
Annulments of Marriage: A Concession to Human Weakness http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/07/05/annulments-of-marriage-a-concession-to-human-weakness/
PSYCHOLOGIST VICKI THORN: FREE LOVE HAS CREATED CHAOS http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/07/27/psychologist-vicki-thorn-free-love-has-created-chaos/
Bishop Thomas Paprocki under fire for denying funerals for people in same-sex ‘marriages’ refuses to back down http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/07/30/bishop-thomas-paprocki-under-fire-for-denying-funerals-for-people-in-same-sex-marriages-refuses-to-back-down/
But What About Abusive Marriages? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/08/04/but-what-about-abusive-marriages/
Sex, Sanity, and Beliefs that ‘Live Loudly’ Within Us – Archbishop Charles Chaput http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/09/13/sex-sanity-and-beliefs-that-live-loudly-within-us-archbishop-charles-chaput/
What Makes a Marriage Valid? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/08/09/what-makes-a-marriage-valid/
What’s changed in Britain since same-sex marriage? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/09/13/whats-changed-in-britain-since-same-sex-marriage/
Subversion, liberty, and ‘marriage equality’ http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/09/14/subversion-liberty-and-marriage-equality/
AUSTRALIAN BISHOP VINCENT LONG WON’T FIGHT GAY MARRIAGE VOTE http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/09/14/australian-bishop-vincent-long-wont-fight-gay-marriage-vote/
Alternative truths: A wife’s view of a gay coming out http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/09/15/alternative-truths-a-wifes-view-of-a-gay-coming-out/
Is There Marriage In Heaven? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/11/02/is-there-marriage-in-heaven/
Be a Man – Get Married http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/11/15/be-a-man-get-married/
“God himself is the author of marriage” (GS 48:1). The vocation of marriage is written in the very nature of man and woman as they came from the hand of the Creator. Marriage is not a purely human institution despite the many variations it may have undergone through the centuries in different cultures, social structures, and spiritual attitudes (CCC:1603)