The worm that is killing married love
Why are young adults turning out on the streets more, raging against unwelcome guest speakers on their campuses more? Why are they parading Nazi emblems or smashing statues of yesterday’s heroes? What are they not doing that gives them so much time and energy to burn?
Sex? In America, anyway, they are not doing sex. According to an expert on the subject, sociologist Mark Regnerus, “people born in the 1930s had the most sex, whereas those born in the 1990s are reporting the least.” That’s what research published recently in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior reveals.
And this despite the fact that, as Regnerus argues in a new book, sex has become so cheap. “Fifty years on from the advent of the sexual revolution, we are witnessing the demise of eros,” he writes in an article in the October issue of First Things.
While this revelation will shock some people, it was only to be expected. Even today, he continues, “most sex happens within long-term, well-defined relationships.” But look what has happened to marriage: in the few short years between 2000 and 2014 the proportion of Americans who were married declined from 55 percent to 41 percent. Young Americans are now more likely to express passion for Black Lives Matter or saving the planet than for another person.
Even younger Americans who are married may find more excitement in the “ping of an incoming text message or new Facebook post” than in intimacy with their spouse. Pornography provides another substitute. And some of the under-40s are, no doubt, among the 1 in 8 adults taking anti-depressant medication, which commonly decreases libido.
Behind the pills and the pings and the porn, however, Regnerus finds something much bigger going on: the deadening effect on eros of the idea that men and women must be equal in every domain. The data is in, he says: “Equality between the sexes is leading to the demise of sex.”
Of course, this is not what the gender equality industrial complex wants to hear. In all likelihood they will rubbish this conclusion, as they have Regnerus’ findings about same-sex parenting, but it makes sense. In summary, the story goes like this.
With the help of the Pill (and abortion when it failed) women increased their presence in the workforce and their earnings relative to men. As a result they had less reason to marry, as did men, who could get sex cheaply – that is, without the costs in fidelity, time and finances of marriage. Women became more equal to men (and indeed more like them in sexual habits) but there was a hitch. Men could afford to become picky about a spouse and bide their time over marriage; women, who are certainly not like men when it comes to fertility, now find themselves – often after the misery of abortions and several failed relationships — having to settle for Mr Not Quite Right, or no-one.
Furthermore, when they do get married, they are expected go for a 50-50 partnership all the way down the line: income, housework, childcare and so on. The fact that some accomplished women don’t even want this kind of equality caused sociologist, Leslie Bell, to lament that their “unprecedented sexual, educational, and professional freedoms” have led to “contradictory and paradoxical consequences.” Regnerus comments:
“Nonsense, I say. The only contradictory and paradoxical thing here is the unrealistic expectation of so many that the financial independence of women would have wholly positive effects on the dance of the sexes. Women and men still want each other, but the old necessities that once brought them together have disappeared.”
Sociologists who hoped that gender equality in marriage would lead to more sex were disappointed when they recently analysed the National Survey of Families and Households. It showed that husbands who do little or no housework had sex with their wives nearly two more times per month than did husbands who do all of it; and husbands who mow the lawn and fix things also have more sex.
“Men and women are not attracted to sameness, but to difference. We long for what is missing in ourselves. Needing each other makes us want each other.”
Egalitarianism, with its cheap sex and delayed marriage, has only made men and women lonelier and less connected than they once were, Regnerus concludes. “We cannot have both eros and strict equality between the sexes. Saving one requires sacrificing the other.”
As I suggested earlier, sexual egalitarians will be outraged by Dr Regnerus’ essay. They would rather cling to their bargain basement idea of sex and their soviet-style theory of marital equality than acknowledge what bad deal it has been for women – and for men. But read the whole article and you will see the truth of it all around you.
Carolyn Moynihan is deputy editor of MercatorNet.
Here-under are some articles about family and marriage for you to read or watch:
- Getting to know you, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=284
- Be Positive, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=288
- Love and Marriage, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=292
- Endless Love – Marriage after all, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=294
- Say it with love, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=298
- Quality family moments, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=300
- Secret of successful marriage, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=302
- The vocation of marriage, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=1968
- Marriage as Covenant, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=1974
- Humility: Foundation for Marital Happiness, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=1986
- Gratitude: Foundation for marriage, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=1980
- True Meaning of marriage, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=1972
- Marriage and incompatibility, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=2112
- Love is a garden, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=2116
- Three kinds of love, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=2095
Have the courage to marry, start a family, Pope Francis tells youths in Assisi http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/05/30/have-the-courage-to-marry-start-a-family-pope-francis-tells-youths-in-assisi/
‘Love Is Love’—or is it? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/10/06/love-is-love-or-is-it/
‘An act of pure evil’: Are rifles or relationships at the bottom of the madness in Las Vegas? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/10/06/an-act-of-pure-evil-are-rifles-or-relationships-at-the-bottom-of-the-madness-in-las-vegas/
Pope Francis says marriage can only be between a man and a woman and ‘we cannot change it’ http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/09/07/pope-francis-says-marriage-can-only-be-between-a-man-and-a-woman-and-we-cannot-change-it/
THE DOWNLOAD: CLARIFYING MARRIAGE – A canon lawyer joins the panel http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/05/15/the-download-clarifying-marriage-a-canon-lawyer-joins-the-panel/
The Beauty of Marriage from a Biblical Perspective http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/02/12/the-beauty-of-marriage-from-a-biblical-perspective/
Saint Pope John Paul II’s Theology of the Body in Video Presentation Saint Pope John Paul II’s Theology of the Body in Video Presentation
Sophia Sketchpad on Marriage Sophia Sketchpad – Marriage
Want to change the world? It starts with joy – Archbishop Charles Chaput says http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/07/28/want-to-change-the-world-it-starts-with-joy-archbishop-charles-chaput-says/
How to Fix the “Annulment of Marriage Mentality”? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/07/14/how-to-fix-the-annulment-of-marriage-mentality/
A love that is life long: The marriage God wants for you A love that is life long: The marriage God wants for you
What’s destroying some Catholic marriages? What’s destroying some Catholic marriages?
The Centrality of Love to the Teaching of Humanae Vitae http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/07/21/the-centrality-of-love-to-the-teaching-of-humanae-vitae/
Historian lays out how we’ve arrived at today’s unprecedented attacks on the family http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/05/20/historian-lays-out-how-weve-arrived-at-todays-unprecedented-attacks-on-the-family/
Divorce’s many victims Divorce’s many victims
What Catholics need to know about marriage and sex, Part 2 What Catholics need to know about marriage and sex, Part 2
Why happily married women need to talk about sex? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/04/08/why-happily-married-women-need-to-talk-about-sex/
Can a Catholic sign a pre-nuptial agreement? Can a Catholic sign a pre-nuptial agreement?
We want Church truth on marriage, young Catholics say We want Church truth on marriage, young Catholics say
Wives, Be Subordinate to Your Husbands? – John Paul II on Ephesians 5:21-33 http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/02/12/wives-be-subordinate-to-your-husbands-john-paul-ii-on-ephesians-521-33/
An Open Letter to the Adulterers outed by the Ashley Madison Hackers An Open Letter to the Adulterers Outed by the Ashley Madison Hackers
Pro-life, Married & Contracepting: Is there a a problem? Pro-life, Married & Contracepting: Is there a problem?
Pope Francis’ General Audience: The Family is an irreplaceable source of stability for children Pope Francis’ General Audience: The Family is an irreplaceable source of stability for children
The 4 most important parts of marriage The 4 most important parts of marriage
Pre-Cana with St. John Chrysostom: 7 Tips to a successful marriage Pre-Cana with St. John Chrysostom: 7 Tips to a successful marriage
Reflections on the Indissolubility of Marriage and the Trinity http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/02/12/reflections-on-the-indissolubility-of-marriage-and-the-trinity/
Why Is Marriage Indissoluble? “The first natural tie of human society is man and wife.” St. Augustine http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/04/14/why-is-marriage-indissoluble-the-first-natural-tie-of-human-society-is-man-and-wife-st-augustine/
Sins Against the sacrament of marriage 44 Sins against the sacrament of marriage
Live-in: Research facts and analysis on cohabitation Live-in: Research facts and analysis on cohabitation
Bishop Olmsted Calls Men Into the Breach http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/02/05/bishop-olmsted-calls-men-into-the-breach/
Pope Francis: When families teach forgiveness, they strengthen society Pope Francis: When families teach forgiveness, they strengthen society
THIS EUROPEAN NATION JUST FOUGHT THE GAY AGENDA AND WON – Pope Francis lent a hand http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2015/12/23/this-european-nation-just-fought-the-gay-agenda-and-won-pope-francis-lent-a-hand/
Never Date a Feminist: 12 Warning Signs for Young Men http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/04/07/never-date-a-feminist-12-warning-signs-for-young-men/
Keeping sex for marriage helps marriages last the distance http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/06/15/keeping-sex-for-marriage-helps-marriages-last-the-distance/
Pope Francis: Most Catholic marriages are null, some ‘cohabitations’ are ‘real marriage’ http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/06/19/pope-francis-most-catholic-marriages-are-null-some-cohabitations-are-real-marriage/
Why Christ Will Never Let His Bride Redefine Marriage? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/08/19/why-christ-will-never-let-his-bride-redefine-marriage/
Gay ‘marriage’: It’s not gay, and it’s not marriage – G.K. Chesterton http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/09/14/gay-marriage-its-not-gay-and-its-not-marriage-g-k-chesterton/
Church’s Teaching on Marriage Comes From Author of Creation, Say Bishops http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/09/16/churchs-teaching-on-marriage-comes-from-author-of-creation-say-bishops/
The family in the era of soulmate marriage http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/09/29/the-family-in-the-era-of-soulmate-marriage/
Why millenials don’t want kids… Are their reasons good enough? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/09/29/why-millenials-dont-want-kids-are-their-reasons-good-enough/
Real insights about porn and marriage http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/10/28/real-insights-about-porn-and-marriage/
10 Issues You Should Discuss Before You Get Married (otherwise your marriage could be invalid!) http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/11/12/10-issues-you-should-discuss-before-you-get-married-otherwise-your-marriage-could-be-invalid/
Engaged Couple’s Spiritual Checklist http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/11/13/engaged-couples-spiritual-checklist/
Should You Get Married in the Church? 7 Couples Share Their Experience http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/11/13/should-you-get-married-in-the-church-7-couples-share-their-experience/
Must Catholics Marry in a Church? Must Catholics Have Their Wedding in a Church? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/11/13/must-catholics-marry-in-a-church-must-catholics-have-their-wedding-in-a-church/
Last Video Released in Series on Marriage http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2016/12/21/last-video-released-in-series-on-marriage/
For Catholics A Woman’s Place is in the Home http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/01/20/for-catholics-a-womans-place-is-in-the-home/
Real Women- The Catholic View Marriage and Family http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/01/20/real-women-the-catholic-view-marriage-and-family/
Real Women- Feminine Virtue and the Moral Life http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/01/20/real-women-feminine-virtue-and-the-moral-life/
The Human Person Is a Bioethical Word http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/01/20/the-human-person-is-a-bioethical-word/
Millennials stall the gender revolution in the home http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/04/08/millennials-stall-the-gender-revolution-in-the-home/
‘Don’t Judge’ — How to Respond When Your Relativistic Friend Quotes Jesus http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/04/22/dont-judge-how-to-respond-when-your-relativistic-friend-quotes-jesus/
Don’t divorce: Powerful arguments for saving and revitalizing your marriage http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/04/22/dont-divorce-powerful-arguments-for-saving-and-revitalizing-your-marriage/
Procreation: Still the Primary End of Marriage http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/04/25/procreation-still-the-primary-end-of-marriage/
Archbishop Charles Chaput: ‘The future belongs to people with children, not with things’ http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/08/02/archbishop-charles-chaput-the-future-belongs-to-people-with-children-not-with-things/
Birth Control and NFP: What’s the Difference? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/07/14/birth-control-and-nfp-whats-the-difference/
Divorce, Remarriage, and “Discerning the Body” http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/05/17/divorce-remarriage-and-discerning-the-body/
Annulments of Marriage: A Concession to Human Weakness http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/07/05/annulments-of-marriage-a-concession-to-human-weakness/
PSYCHOLOGIST VICKI THORN: FREE LOVE HAS CREATED CHAOS http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/07/27/psychologist-vicki-thorn-free-love-has-created-chaos/
Bishop Thomas Paprocki under fire for denying funerals for people in same-sex ‘marriages’ refuses to back down http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/07/30/bishop-thomas-paprocki-under-fire-for-denying-funerals-for-people-in-same-sex-marriages-refuses-to-back-down/
But What About Abusive Marriages? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/08/04/but-what-about-abusive-marriages/
Sex, Sanity, and Beliefs that ‘Live Loudly’ Within Us – Archbishop Charles Chaput http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/09/13/sex-sanity-and-beliefs-that-live-loudly-within-us-archbishop-charles-chaput/
What Makes a Marriage Valid? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/08/09/what-makes-a-marriage-valid/
What’s changed in Britain since same-sex marriage? http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/09/13/whats-changed-in-britain-since-same-sex-marriage/
Subversion, liberty, and ‘marriage equality’ http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/09/14/subversion-liberty-and-marriage-equality/
AUSTRALIAN BISHOP VINCENT LONG WON’T FIGHT GAY MARRIAGE VOTE http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/09/14/australian-bishop-vincent-long-wont-fight-gay-marriage-vote/
Alternative truths: A wife’s view of a gay coming out http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/2017/09/15/alternative-truths-a-wifes-view-of-a-gay-coming-out/
“God himself is the author of marriage” (GS 48:1). The vocation of marriage is written in the very nature of man and woman as they came from the hand of the Creator. Marriage is not a purely human institution despite the many variations it may have undergone through the centuries in different cultures, social structures, and spiritual attitudes (CCC:1603)