Endless Love: Marriage After All These Years
Endless Love By: Diana Ross and Lionel Ritchie
“You may not LOVE me anymore but I swore and promise that you will be the last person that I will LOVE. You are my Endless Love and I will LOVE you for the rest of my life. I never did anything wrong to hurt you and I am glad that I became a part of your life. Your happiness is what I am concern of and I’d sacrifice my happiness for your happiness. I love you so, more than anything and everything.” – 12-03-2010 –
“Married Life? It’s lots of bumps, hills and potholes.”
“Give in? No, it’s more like, just give!”
“Everyone’s marriage is a work in progress.”
“When you say you’ll live your life with this other person, you have to commit to it regardless of the circumstances.” – Becky and Chuch Derrow of Auburn, Indiana, married for more than 40 years
“Who in our generation didn’t grow up entertaining dreams of a perfect marriage and family life?” asks writer Kyle Roderick. “The truth is, the cultural myth of living happily ever after is the exception, not the rule. It’s natural and normal for couples to experience conflicts, and for both partners to grow and change as individuals over time.”
Staying together is more than sticking it out.
The recipe for a strong, happy and long-lasting marriage has many ingredients: knowing what to do and when, always adding heaping spoonfuls of love – just for good measure.
Rule #1: add ONE to two
Many twosomes who have treaded the marriage highway for many years agree on one point: faith is a key element for success.
Tom and Clancy Quigley, who just marked a half-century together, say: “God was in our marriage from day one. We connect with God everyday.”
Norm and Pyllis Rorick, married 43 years, also credit their faith in God with “pulling them through the struggles” of married life. “Keep focused on your faith,” the Roricks advise. ‘Daily prayer is important. God has to play a very important part in your lives. That’s where your strength will come.”
Notes another long-married couple: “As long as God is taking the trip with you, no matter what the journey holds, things seem to turn out well.”
“In Their own Words…”
There are many tips for long-term togetherness. Just ask the men and women who’ve been there – and does that!
“It’s lot of hard work. Even when you argue, always make up and support each other.
Don’t give up! It’s a team effort.” – Garry and Maria Stebbins, 25 years
“Have patience – it’s the thing that can hold you together.” – Norman and Carol Girardot, 50 years
“Trust in the Lord and give Him things every day.” – Frank and Elizabeth Shulssler, 60 years
“Always keep a sense of humor. If it’s not arms and legs, we don’t worry about it.” – Don and Marilyn Balser, 50 years.
“Work through the bad times – enjoy the good ones! Talk with one another,” – Phil and Sheri Koehl, 25 years
Surviving the empty nest
Problems arise in the best of marriages, often triggered by a major change.
Take the “empty nest” syndrome. What happens when children go off to college, get married or just more out? With young people, who often act as conversation buffers, out of the house, you’re suddenly face to face with your spouse, and you might be asking, “Who is this person?” or even, “Who am I?”
“Now that the kids are gone, my husband and I are not connecting,” one wife said. “We seldom have a real conversation.”
“When the children were still home, we could always talk about their latest crisis,” said one husband. “Suddenly the house seems so empty and quiet.”
What’s a couple to do?
Claudia and David Arp, directors of Marriage Alive International and authors of numerous books on marriage, see this “second half of marriage” as a time of change and challenges. They suggest that husbands and wives learn to listen to one another. They also recommend being aware of the total message. Words are only a part of it; the tone of voice and nonverbal commumication, such as looks or mannerisms account for the rest. “Nothing is worse that to hear the right words but sense the underlying hostility, bitterness and nager,” They observe.
Finally the Arps recommend sharing feelings and planning times to talk. One couple does that as they clean the kitchen together after breakfast each morning.
There’s no question that an “empty nest” can pose a challenge, but it can also offer renewed togetherness.
Filling time – together
Harriet Thatcher retired, closing out 20 years in the working world. Then moved with her husband Floyd from their southern California home to the upper Midwest. Separated from their now-grown daughter, the couple was suddenly without a regular daily routine.
“All of this forced Floyd and me to sit down together and reevaluate our lives and goals,” said Harriet. “We decided to shake loose and do some of the things we had always dreamed of doing in our early married years.”
For Harriet, that meant a planned program of reading. Floyd took up golf. And together, they traveled and started ballroom dancing lessons.
When life’s routines change, married couples need to go with the flow. “There needs to be a deliberate decision to expland your interests and horizons, to welcome change and new patterns of thing,” sayh the Thatchers.
Hey, I need you, too!
Who comes first: your spouse or your aging or ill parents? Hands down, “your spouse,” writes Vivian E. Greenberg, author of Respecting Your Limits When Caring for Aging Parents. Most elderly parents would agree with her. “Parents’ deepest desire is for you to be happy,” Greenberg ovserves. “They may need some help, but most would never want to jeopardize your marriage.”
But couples need to communicate with their parents about their feelings and the pressures on their marriage before matters get out of hand.
One wife’s twice-a-week vistis to her father in his retirement community, as well as numerous daily telephone calls, strained her marriage. “It seemed that every time we sat down to dinner or were having a nice talk, her father would call with his latest complaints,’ her husband said.
The couple decided to tell her dad what was bothering them. “And you know what? He agreed to a once-a-week visit and to certain times each day being sacred – with no change of telephone interruptions.”
The Thrill is Gone – Get it Back!
At the start of their now 15-year marriage, Sam and Ann found themselves constantly aware of ealch other. “There were looks and gestures – touching the back of my nectk, or rubbing my shoulders – that would say so much without words,” Ann recalled. “Now I just feel like an old show.” Adds Sam: “We just connected more early on.”
What happens when the spark of your marriage is barely a flicker, let alone a flame? What happens when you see your spouse differently, maybe realizing that the person who was the closest to you has turned into a strager?
One answer: go on a date with each other. Sam and Ann chose Thursdays and took turns planning the evening. Time for conversations allowed the two to rediscover each other. After a month of Thursdays, Ann noted: “We started seeing the little things that made all the difference in the beginning – and how much more each of us could now bring to our relationship.”
But remember, as with life in general, marriage is cycclical with highs, lows and downright boring periods in between. “If you feel bored in your marriage, use this feeling to examine what is strong in your relationship and what you could make stronger,’ says therapist Sherry Roos of Long Angeles.
In every marriage, even those that last for a long time, there will come a time when your spouse won’t measure up to your expectations. Those moments can be relatively trivial or deadly serious: an extramarital affair, addiction to drugs, alcohol or gambling, or some other form of self-destructive behavior.
When Raphael learned that his wife Joanna had been unfaithful, he wept for half an hour. He said nothing; he was too overwhelmed with grief. This was followed by anger at Joanna and the other man, and then by depression and a sense of hopelessness, a feeling that all was completely lost for their marriage.
But a devastating situation doesn’t have to lead to the death of a marriage. There are definite steps couples can take together to get back on track. The first step involves forgiveness: asking for it and being willing to offer it. Next comes working to rebuild trust and making a conscious effort to trust once again.
Professional counseling helped Raphael and Joanna save their relationship. ‘When we choose the loving actions of confessing failures, extending forgiveness, and genuinely seeking to meet the needs of each other, marital initmacy becomes reality again, “says Gary Chapman, author of Loving slolutions: Overcoming Barriers in your Marriage
Fighting the Good Fight
Maybe it’s about little things, like one partner always leaving the medicine cabinet door open. Or maybe the fights are more serious – about money or ways of dealing with the children.
Couples who’ve made their marriages last know that at some point or other, a certain amount of conflict is inevitable. The key to it all is learning how to “fight fair” – and never to let physical violence be part of the picture.
According to Diane Sollee, founder and director of the Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education, successful and divorcing couples both have the same number of disagreements. The difference is in how they disagree.
She advocates developing the skills to fight without hurting each other or the marriage. Certain tactics can severely damage a relationship and should always be avoided; stonewalling or refusing to discuss a problem; attacking a partner’s personality or character; showing outright contempt for a spouse.
The secret of togetherness is knowing that as a couple you can deal with conflicts and changes in a way that will help your relationship grow stronger and more mutually satisfying.
Marriage is a daring adventure, or it is nothing – an adventure in growth, in change, in broadening horizons, in breaking out of the rut of the familiar and into the excitement of doing new things together.” – a partner in a 30-year marriage
Now you will feel no rain
For each of you will be shelter for the other.
Now you will feel no cold
For each of you will be warmth
For the other.
Now there is no loneliness for you,
Now you are two persons
But there is only one life before you.
Go now to your dwelling place
To enter into the days of
And may your days be good and long
(Source: Christopher News Notes 445, The Christophers, 5 Hanover Square, New York, NY 10004; tel. 1-212-759-4050; Email: firstname.lastname@example.org)
Read the Other Related Articles, please click the links below:
- The True Meaning of Marriage
- The Vocation of Marriage: http://foryourmarriage.org/the-vocation-of-marriage/
- Marriage as a Covenant: http://foryourmarriage.org/marriage-as-covenant/
- Why are Married Parents are Important to Children?: http://foryourmarriage.org/married-parents-are-important-for-children/
- Do Children Really Make a Marriage Less Happy?: http://foryourmarriage.org/do-children-really-make-a-marriage-less-happy/
- Marriage: The Later Years: http://foryourmarriage.org/marriage-the-later-years/
- Humility: Foundation for Marital Happiness: http://foryourmarriage.org/humility-foundation-for-marital-happiness/
- Gratitude: Foundation for Marriage: http://foryourmarriage.org/virtue-of-gratitude/
- Four Elements of Conflict Resolution: http://foryourmarriage.org/four-elements-of-conflict-resolution/
- Overcoming Obstacles on Pornography: http://foryourmarriage.org/everymarriage/overcoming-obstacles/pornography/
- Pope John Paul II’s Theology of the Body and Marriage. To watch, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=2273
Here-under are some articles about marriage for you to read or watch:
- Getting to know you, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=284
- Be Positive, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=288
- Love and Marriage, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=292
- Endless Love – Marriage after all, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=294
- Say it with love, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=298
- Quality family moments, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=300
- Secret of successful marriage, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=302
- The vocation of marriage, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=1968
- Marriage as Covenant, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=1974
- Humility: Foundation for Marital Happiness, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=1986
- Gratitude: Foundation for marriage, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=1980
- True Meaning of marriage, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=1972
- Marriage and incompatibility, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=2112
- Love is a garden, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=2116
- Three kinds of love, please click this link: http://www.pagadiandiocese.org/?p=2095
“God himself is the author of marriage” (GS 48:1). The vocation of marriage is written in the very nature of man and woman as they came from the hand of the Creator. Marriage is not a purely human institution despite the many variations it may have undergone through the centuries in different cultures, social structures, and spiritual attitudes (CCC:1603)
FBI Homosexuality. Many believe the Freemasons are simply a centuries-old charitable fraternity. However, the Catholic Church has consistently condemned Freemasonry more than any other error in its history because it promotes indifferentism, naturalism, communism, and other dangerous philosophies.
Homosexuality, the Grave Evil Presented as Good, Part 1
Homosexuality, Question and Answer Part 2
Homosexuals and Freemasons inside the Church
“The Rite of Sodomy” Homosexuality in the Roman Catholic Church
Mic’d Up “Pink Money and the Homosexual Mafia”
Michael Voris gives a series of short talks, answering questions coming in response to his talk on homosexuality in Nigeria.
In this talk from Nigeria, Michael Voris speaks about the grave evil presented as good – homosexuality. “Homosexuality refers to relations between men or between women who experience an exclusive or predominant sexual attraction toward persons of the same sex. It has taken great variety of forms through the centuries and in different cultures. Its psychological genesis remains largely unexplained. Basing itself on Sacred Scripture, which presents homosexual acts as acts of grave depravity (cf. Gen 19:1-29; Rom 1:24-27; 1 Cor 6:10; 1 Tim 1:10), tradition has always declared that ‘homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered” (CDF, Persona humana 8). They are contrary to the natural law. They close the sexual act to the gift of life. They do not proceed from a genuine affective and sexual complementarity. Under no circumstances can they be approved” (CCC: 2357).
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Michael Voris talks an in-depth discussion of the true, financial cost of abortion and its effects to the United States. “The inalienable rights of the person must be recognized and respected by civil society and the political authority. These human rights depend neither on single individuals nor on parents; nor do they represent a concession made by society and the state; they belong to human nature and are inherent in the person by virtue of the creative act from which the person took his origin. Among such fundamental rights one should mention in this regard every human being’s right to life and physical integrity from the moment of conception until death” (CDF, Donum vitae III; CCC: 2273).
FBI Contraception Deception.
Modern man has divorced sex from procreation through his embrace of contraception. This Contraception Deception within the CatholicChurch has come about by a near total betrayal of the faithful by their shepherds and leaders.
Contraception & the New Dark Age, Part 1 by Dr. Martin Brenner
Where we are and how we got here. Join Dr. Martin Brenner for this first of a four-part series on the moral evils of contraception.
Contraception and Salvation, Part 2 by Dr. Martin Brenner
Join Dr. Martin Brenner for the second of a four-part series on the moral evils of contraception.
Contraception and Sanctification. Part 3 by Dr. Martin Brenner
Prayer and the Liturgy. Dr. Martin Brenner discusses how contraception is a detriment to our spiritual lives and marital relationships. The infallibility of the Church’s teaching on this matter is also discussed.
Contraception and Sexual Ethics. Part 4 by Dr. Martin Brenner
The Proper Practice. Dr. Martin Brenner describes the importance of spreading the message about the sexual ethic and goes into detail about the alternatives to contraception and their practices.
CIA: The Rockefeller Foundation
We are used to thinking of the Rockefellers as simply a byword for wealth, power and financial success. Perhaps we might think of them as determined businessmen or see them as great philanthropists. But the truth is far different; the Rockefeller Foundation is actively undermining the Catholic Church, and in the process, attempting to erase man’s natural orientation to the eternal.
Global Warming Unmasked
Are the environmental movements and groups simply devoted to laudable, correct stewardship of God’s creation, or do they have a more sinister, hidden agenda? Is “global warming” being used as an excuse for something far darker? Is the final goal of the liberal elites behind the push of junk science population control, eugenics and Gaia worship?
Mic’d Up “Is Contraception Killing the Church?”
This week on Mic’d Up we’ll be tackling the terrible scourge of Contraception on the Church. Michael Hichborn and Rey Flores from American Life League will join us to expose Catholic Relief Services complicity with Organizations who support contraception and to Discuss The Pill Kills Day of Action 2014. Also joining us will be Lynn Mills who will be discussing the continued prayer rally at Providence Park Hospital in the Archdiocese of Detroit because of their complicity in abortion, contraception and sterilization. Following that same thread we’ll break down the announcement from Detroit Archbishop Allen Vigneron concerning the crisis of parish closings facing Detroit. Also dropping by will be author James Kalb, to discuss the plague of pluralism on the Church’s Hierarchy.